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♥
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
Sometimes the dark is not worth risking.
her  huipeng. aprilfourth. working on ridding herself of hedonistic thoughts because she only wants to live in God's word. sustaining on His love. speak
walkaway
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Thursday, May 21, 2009
Demoralised.9:50 PM My chem sucks big time. Like a major drop from the first time. Like MAJOR. Gah now I wonder whether I'm cut out for sciences, for the fact that I chose sciences not because of my interest in them but the fact that I'm able to score better for them. If I were better in the arts, I'll take arts that's for sure. Okay but since I was telling my friends how I won't ever cry because of results (due to the scene during chem) no matter how bad it is and that I'm fortunate the people I hang out with won't be so affected by their academic grades and all. Great that my class clique were all neutral about our results though we hovered at the borderline mark, except for maybe the typical 4E-type Veron who scored high! LOL since I'm termed as the exception from 4A so it's fine that I got that kinda marks :/ But I will get momentarily emo over my marks, that's still inevitable, however not till the extent of grieving for a prolonged period of time. And my econs timed assignment sucks big time too. But since I knew I didn't study for it and that I wasn't in the right state of mind while doing it, it's okay I failed :/ But in general I feel that econs sucks! I know Huijie will be opposing my view vehemently right! Rah. Anyway, I used to hate loneliness in the past, like utterly detest it. The main example would be how I hated going home alone last year when my friends were busy with something else. But it seems that I kinda like the feeling now when I go home alone because time alone helps me reflect alot on the things around me. Adding to the fact I enjoy listening to my Ipod alot. Even when I go home with Stacy and Veron, they know me well for anti-socialing myself and listening to my Ipod and sleep LOL. But still, that is only for the specific example of returning home, doesn't mean I'm some social pariah who enjoys loneliness full-time. Anyway, I had this dream just now when I had my regular nap in the afternoon. It's like a typical sweet dream, the kind of happiness and blissfulness I always sought after, with the people I love. Like how we searched for our personal hideout and enjoying the simplest of happiness. However the one thing that had the most vivid impression on me was not all of those, but the event that made me cry in my dream. Just when I was filled with joy, that vivid scene just made me realise how much I treasure even more things around me which I may have taken for granted. But sometimes we have to make a choice, even if it means hurting someone else or yourself in the process. But I'll take comfort in the thought that who I love will always be there with me forever. I remember I shouted out "I hate myself!" and burst out crying in his arms. I swear I'm super influenced by Eclipse. Fyi, the scene that happened in my dreams was in more ways than one similar to that of Eclipse. Maybe I delved too deep into that fictitious setting that I somehow applied it to my real-life situation. Hmm, but dreams never come true. I hope it's the hurt that won't ever be inflicted. Because I still wanna believe in the simplest happiness I can derive. It's something worthy of blogging, at last.
&still trying to find a happy ending
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