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♥
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
Sometimes the dark is not worth risking.
her  huipeng. aprilfourth. working on ridding herself of hedonistic thoughts because she only wants to live in God's word. sustaining on His love. speak
walkaway
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Thursday, April 16, 2009
Sometimes I really wonder what makes me happy, what else makes me sad.4:04 PM I think sometimes, I really do things to hurt myself. Not in the tangible sense but still, the pain is that tangible. But I think it's just me, I think I'm just some insecure loser. Being alone makes it worse. These negative thoughts just keep flooding in, things that would make myself less happy. But somehow, no matter what other people may say to help me think otherwise, in the end, I would just succumb to these negativities. Why. I just dont't trust myself. That I would be capable of holding back, of making someone else feel the same way. I think my self-esteem is at ground zero after all these. Sometimes I wonder I'm just saving the face or that I just hate the rejection for not doing anything to salvage it. I believe it's the latter mostly. This dumb emotional turmoil. Almost as tangible as the inner turmoil after sectionals lol. Anyway school was tiring. Slept at 1am for the past few days. Slept throughout PW today since it was one-to-one consultation for the bulk of the time and I was hell tired so I just lied my head on the table the whole time. I've loads of things to submit tomorrow and PI today ): Argh. God, let me have more of Thy strength.
&still trying to find a happy ending
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