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♥
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
Sometimes the dark is not worth risking.
her  huipeng. aprilfourth. working on ridding herself of hedonistic thoughts because she only wants to live in God's word. sustaining on His love. speak
walkaway
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Saturday, July 07, 2007
im lighter by a gram.12:07 AM wif the exco interview gone, its rly a burden lightened. but wif the other workloads weighing HEAVILY dwn on me, i cant help but feel stressed. the stress comes so fast aft ending. just lyk aft the midyrs, now im burdened by craploads of h/w, lyk freakingly lots. and the upcoming test, maths, bio and geog. will i ever die frm tis cruelty dat is fated to be stuck on me forever? i swear i do feel lyk ending it all here. dats wad rv has moulded me to become. a lunatic. exco interview was alrites, tho' i was super nervous larhhs. cos i alr knew dat those qns would come out and i haf alr tot of how to answer them, however at dat particular moment, i just cant seem to convey my mesg across. so much for my preparations. sec4 excos were utterly pissed wif us for today's rehearsals. firstly, trumpets played suckily. i swear even at the mp, mf parts, i still played super loudly cos i was afraid nobody could hear, but it seems dat my efforts haf gone to waste. secondly, the bandmens are totally not disciplined. not even helping the rest to carry the percussions' instru back to the bandrm. some still even slacked in the hall while me and some others lugged back the instru wif all our might. wahhlaos totally getting out of hand larhhs. to me, bandsmen are lyk some hiong and disciplined cca but now wad has it become? total failures. not only is the discipline outrageous, the playing skills are oso slackening and nobody is putting in an effort larhhs. thirdly, we didnt even respond when questioned by mrchoy. the sec4 excos haf said dat they expected the band to be the ones answering him however we didnt. can feel the disappointment. and they were super disappointed in the acting leaders. feeling super guilty then. but its not entirely our fault, cos some of us did volunteer to take care of the instrus but were told to join the queue instead. okaes its not a tym to find out who's correct or incorrect. its still our incompetency dat led to these. aiya i just feel super pekchek. i haf experienced when the band was in tis glory up til now when it has slackened tremendously. i feel dat its partly due to my fault for not sustaining its honour. im sad and disappointed. haish. ended sch at 7.40pm today aft the rehearsals for speech day. totally tiring day. and went out to eat wif rachael, jieren and xq. and we met up wif sheryl too and we just talked til 10.15pm. lols lyk totally late. my weekends are jampacked. tml morn dere will be trpts tutoring, then aft dat we will be meeting for geog proj and then later on we will watch transformers. sun other than going to church, dere is oso yuhua concert. no tym to do h/w le larhhs. i shall let the muggers enjoy themselves while i seep into the web of uncertainty. stressed. hopes obs comes fast. but yt the faster it comes, the faster the nxt stressed up period comes. wads wrong wif the world. one day when im not in tis world anymore, they will realised how tis curriculum is affecting not only my holistic growth and development, but oso including others. if only i could go back in tym, into the period when my whole life was only filled wif performing well for the syf. only at dat period did i feel so carefree. if only i could.
&still trying to find a happy ending
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