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♥
The way to love anything is to realize that it might be lost.
Sometimes the dark is not worth risking.
her  huipeng. aprilfourth. working on ridding herself of hedonistic thoughts because she only wants to live in God's word. sustaining on His love. speak
walkaway
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Wednesday, April 25, 2007
a leopard cant change its spots, can it?6:47 PM i've been tinking lately on how tym passes so fast. at one instance i was on the bus to the newater visitor center and was tinking to myself when will it end? yet in a flash, we were back in sch. isnt life just sad and boring? and so i was tinking hard while i was bathing. my dad told me to rmb my childhood coz dat was those days when we were so innocent, so carefree, filled wif utmost happiness. okaes maeb i agree dat dat WERE the days he experienced. when life isnt so hard, when studies were not as stressful, when algebra was taught at its most basic level in sec4. but today is a different thing, wad we experience today is a 180degrees turn. okae if comparing the education 30years back and now is obvious enuf dat changes were present, then compare wif those 1yr older. arent we still learning things at a higher level? we are just 15yearolds, just lyk any other sec3s, mind you. yet why is dere such difference and such thoughtless ideas dat the sch seem to infer dat we are of higher calibre and stuffs. mind you, we came in without ever knowing we would be in rvip. if knowing dat one had suicidal thoughts would leave you gasping, then you must either be a little kid or some elderly. clearly, everyone would haf suicidal feelings in some point or another in this era, this generation. i do not deny those suicidal thoughts filling in me. yarhhs and dat seems to be present in this period of my life. i hate to live a boring, dumb life. i want excitement, thrill, but dat doesnt seem to exist in rv's world. so they sae results arent everything, the process counts for much more. yet in my process of learning, i might not be able to memorise all those notes, would i still be deemed as a failure. YES, of course, the education system here still consist of results, if you fail, you're out. and dats the place i study in. condoling such a judgmental system. and i had a recent streak of failing or getting borderline grades. for bio, both chinese compos and eng. i bet if those who have really high expectations of themselves would ever get grades lyk mine, they would immediately jump down the sch building. but though i seem undisturbed by my grades, i do feel super sad and depressed, when tears just dun seem to stop flowing. but wad would crying do to help? would it solve the problem. if it would, you would see me crying the whole day. of course stress would help, i do agree. but do you think competitiveness is healthy? my mum told me too dat when i get a slightly above average mark, do not compare wif those lower. okaes i noe my parents arent dat desperate for good grades frm me, but in school, it is another thing. we cant avoid competition. some ppl just feel super competitive and are owaes so paranoid when they get lower marks than others. and they will owaes try to peep at other ppl's marks and gloat over their misfortune. yarhhs so wad if ppl get lower marks and you get high grades? do you really feel dat happy, dat accomplished? okaes for those muggers, they do, but they are missing out on even important stuffs lyk socialising. if they go out to the commercial world, they would not know how to interact. so wads the point working so hard for the stinking dumb certificate everyone is vying for? i would obviously work better wif stress caused by self-expectations. but wif competitiveness, for heaven's sake, no. i'm utterly tired, freakingly stressed. i would just remain apathetic towards everything. if the world allows me to.
&still trying to find a happy ending
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